According to http://www.policecouldyou.co.uk/officers/overview.html, their comprehensive training course will teach recruits to:
According to my experience, the second and third bullet points are debatable to say the least. The night that Al died, I should have received a visit from a Police Officer who would break the news to me and take me to the hospital to identify him (should that be possible).
What actually happened was that an Acting Police Sergeant called my mobile to inform me that my son had been involved in serious RTA and said I should make my own way to the hospital. In my shock and horror (I knew SERIOUS RTA did not mean he had a broken arm but something far more terrible), I drove myself to the hospital - I guess it wasn't her problem if I was prosecuted for running someone over and hurting or killing them because I had just received distressing news and was in shock. After all, she couldn’t be held responsible for my actions could she!
Less than 15 minutes later, I was in the hospital A&E reception. After waiting for ages, and being told by hospital staff that they knew nothing, and wondering if I had been the victim of a sick hoax, I called the Police – only to be told that they could confirm that Al had been involved in a Serious RTA, but apart from where it had taken place, they could tell me no more.
I waited again and eventually, the Acting Police Sergeant arrived – at that point, my worst fears were realised and it was confirmed that he was dead.
We went into a relatives' room and, after breaking the news to my 13-year-old daughter, I asked the Police officer to arrange for my daughter and ex-husband to be informed as I thought it would be terrible news to hear via the phone. Unfortunately, the message took so long to be relayed to my ex-husband that word had spread around my family and one of my, incredibly stupid, relatives called him, got him out of bed, and broke the news to him in exactly the way I’d hoped to avoid. It was a brutal thing to do and resulted in him being hysterical and abusive - of course, I bore the brunt of it.
I begged and pleaded to see my son but I was repeatedly told that he was still lying on the road where he was run over. This was an outright lie! He was already in the hospital morgue when I arrived at the hospital. I have never received any satisfactory explanation for why this Police Sergeant lied so blatantly. However, I have been told that she was inexperienced - I think this was supposed to be the explanation. I question whether an inexperienced Police Officer should be a Sergeant (acting or otherwise).
I said that Al and I had discussed organ and tissue donation and that, if he really had died, (I was unable to accept that as reality at that point), he would want his body parts to be donated. The Police Officer said she’d pass that info on. I’m not sure whom she thought was the most appropriate person to tell, or if she even did so but eventually, the Family Liaison Officer (FLO) arrived and I then repeated my request. Astonishingly he told me that it would not be possible because Al hadn’t been placed on life support as he had been declared dead at the scene. This was, in fact, completely untrue. According to the information file he gave me (too late to make any difference), provided a blood sample is obtained within 12 hours of death, tissue donation is perfectly possible. That FLOs ignorance prevented someone being helped, denied Al his expressed wish, and robbed my son of being able to live on in some small way.
I pleaded again to be allowed to see him but this request was refused because, as I later discovered, the mortuary assistant was pregnant and it was late on a Saturday night so they didn’t want to have to call her out. However, the explanation provided at the time was that my son was, “in a bit of a mess" and, "I can't allow you to see him as he is - no Mother should have to see that” I begged and pleaded but he refused to change his mind. After more begging and pleading, considerable time, lots of reasons why it would take a long time to organise, and suggestions I come back the following day, he relented. He arranged that he and a nursing manager would, “go down and clean him up as best we can.” All I wanted was to be able to touch and hold my boy and to discover that it wasn’t really him because he was alive after all. But even if it were true, above all I needed to hold him.
The FLO returned and took me to the morgue. Just before we entered the room, he dropped the bombshell that I would not be allowed in a room with Al but would have to view him through a window. I asked why. He replied, “for forensic reasons.” As with most other things that occurred then, I have since discovered this was utter tosh. If he was so concerned about contaminating forensic evidence, why did he and another person, clean my son up? Surely, that was also contaminating evidence. Why did he think it was perfectly acceptable for him to paw my boy, and yet prevent me, his mother, from touching him?
Over the next few weeks, it became clear that he was not an easy man to contact. If he called me, it was always late at night just as he was leaving his shift and usually at the end of his working week so invariably, he would be unavailable for at least several days. Alternatively, he would be about to go on Annual Leave. The ‘Liaison’ part of his job title seemed to be sadly lacking.
One such occasion was when a bench was dedicated to my son. As was usual, I was unable to contact the FLO so I contacted his office to say that I now wanted contact details for Mr C - the man who had run my son over. These details had been offered to me previously but I hadn’t thought I’d need them at the time, and anyway, I'd been assured I could have them any time I liked. I explained that I would like to invite Mr C to the event and that I wanted to reassure him that there would be no animosity – as far as I was concerned, if I had accidentally killed someone, I would be full of remorse and it might be helpful to know that there was no hatred or resentment. I received a call back and someone explained that Mr Cs landline was now unobtainable and he wasn’t answering his mobile. However, I was told that the Police would write to Mr C to pass on my invitation.
After the bench was dedicated to Al, I asked the FLO why Mr C had not come. I had assumed he had found it too difficult. However, I was then told that the investigating officer had decided that it might prejudice the case against Mr C and so he had ensured he was not informed – and neither was I until after the event. So why was I assured that my request would be actioned? I had been entitled to his contact details, and therefore would have been able to offer a personal invitation if I'd been given them. Therefore I was, extremely effectively, prevented from doing so by the Police. Where was their integrity? I was, dishonestly, assured that my wishes would be carried out.
As the case progressed (actually, I should say, as the case appeared not to progress), I became increasingly frustrated at the lack of information and the changing dates so I called the police to raise some concerns. I was careful to avoid use of the word, ‘complaint’ as I wanted to avoid alienating my FLO. I was then visited by the Senior Investigating officer.
He seemed surprised by my stance that I tried to empathise with Mr C so I explained that I saw no useful purpose for anger and bitterness as the only people that could damage would be my girls and me and, as they’d already lost their brother, it seemed sensible to avoid inflicting any extra heartache and pain. He then said that Mr C seemed to have no remorse!
I said that I wanted Restorative Justice to take place. He was dismissive and said that was unlikely to happen.
He also gave me a graphic account of my son’s death. Until that moment, I’d had no idea the car had driven over his head. Once I’d been given that image, it couldn’t be erased. It pops into my mind without warning and hits me with equal ferocity every time. I can only assume, from his actions, that he wanted me to be angry with Mr C. He succeeded. It took considerable time and effort to return to my previous way of thinking. I still fail to understand why, given that I had detailed my reasoning for not allowing that anger to fester, he proceeded as he did.
I was given different timescales for when court hearings would happen. Each time I would prepare myself for a hearing on a certain date only to be told it wouldn’t take place then after all. The FLO explained that the delays had occurred because of Annual Leave that overlapped for three different Police officers.
Shortly before the trial was due to commence, the FLO contacted me to ask what kind of charge I wanted. I thought it was an odd question as I’d been under the impression that I had no control over that decision because it was taken by the CPS. I queried this and he said “Yes but we wouldn’t want to ride roughshod over your views.” I checked with my daughters and ex-husband and they all said that they wanted the original charge of “Causing Death by Dangerous Driving” to stand.
However, just four days before the trial was due to commence on a Monday, the FLO called to tell me that charge had been reduced to one of “Causing Death by Careless Driving.” Go figure!
When I challenged the CPS at a later date, I was told that the FLO should not have placed that burden of choice upon me because it was never my choice to make. I still have no idea why he did this.
My FLO was away on holiday during the trial but he told me that the investigating officer would be present in court. I saw a uniformed Police Officer but neither he, nor anyone from the Police Service spoke with me. I mentioned this when my FLO made his final visit to me after his holiday and was told, “Yes he’s always been a bit odd," as if this somehow made it acceptable.
At that same meeting, I was told that the CPS had asked whether I might be interested in Restorative Justice. He actually laughed when he said it and added, “Don’t shoot the messenger.” He seemed surprised when I said that of course I wanted Restorative Justice and reminded him that I had specifically requested this in my Victim impact Statement. He said his Sergeant had just gone on holiday and so I’d need to bear with him for a couple of weeks. That conversation took place in August – it’s now December and he has yet to contact me.
When Al died, the FLO mentioned that he had been contacted by a nurse who wanted to know if she could help. I remember being astonished and wondering what on earth a nurse could do with a dead child – it seemed a little late for a nurse at this point. He agreed and said he’d tell her everything was ‘in hand’. Quite by chance, a year later, I discovered this nurse’s job title and role – Child Bereavement Support Nurse. Her role was to support me and to signpost me to where I could get support from. She had been in post when Al died and part of her role would have been, (should anyone have bothered to contact her), to deal with the organ and tissue donation. But no one did and my boy’s tissue was wasted. She came to see me and we spent a couple of hours going through the various ways in which I had been let down. She was horrified and offered to visit again but this time, with the person who was responsible for training FLOs.
When they arrived, I went through everything again. The FLO trainer was also horrified and told me that no one should have been treated so disrespectfully. She asked what would help and I explained that knowing that something good could come out of my boy’s death would be useful for me. I said that it would be helpful to know that those mistakes would not be made again.
We agreed that I would present at the next FLO training day and give my account of the ways in which I had been let down in order to show trainee FLOs just how it affects a victim’s family. I stressed that practising FLOs should also be updated and she told me that a training day was also planned for them. We later agreed that I would present on an update training day for FLOs. The date was agreed and she was to let me know the venue and time when she had them. However, as the date approached, I heard nothing. I was unable to contact her the week before and struggled to speak with her even on the day. After some phoning round to the Child Bereavement Support Nurse, I was finally told that she had not organised that training day and had forgot to inform me that my presence was no longer required. So much for being horrified at the disrespectful way in which I had been treated so far! She did, however, offer me the opportunity to come along and listen to the other speakers who were telling their stories. I was appalled. For me, the point was to have something good come out of Al’s death – not to listen to others who had been given the opportunity I had been offered, only to have it withdrawn.
Somehow, I managed to remain calm and speak rationally and I was eventually offered the chance to speak to trainee FLOs a few weeks hence. I do wonder, whether I am just being patronised in order to shut me up or whether I am being taken seriously. It seems odd to talk of me being treated disrespectfully and then to forget to treat me with respect.
However, on 21 November I met some Police officers at the Preston RoadPeace Remembrance Service. Unfortunately for them, one happened to say that their FLOs were very good. I’m afraid 18 months of pent up frustration and anger got the better of me and I told them exactly what I thought of their FLO service. I was later assured by one of them that I came across as forthright and articulate but not aggressive. Considering I can still recall the way my heart was pounding, and the way I had to keep checking myself so I wouldn’t shout, I thought that was amazing.
Earlier this week, I took a call from someone in the Police Force. He apologised for the way I had been treated (am sensing a pattern here) and we went through the various strands of my concerns. The most pressing one for me is, despite it being offered, the apparent lack of Restorative Justice. He later called me back to let me know that it had been decided that it would not take place as Mr C seemed unable to grasp the concept of Restorative Justice, and had indicated that his participation would be only to tell me how it had affected him and his life. There was no indication whether anyone had attempted to correct his misconception but it had been decided that I must be protected. I explained that I am aware of Mr Cs limited capacity for understanding and that I work with adolescents who sometimes need to be lead through a Restorative Justice process and educated about the way in which it works. He said he wasn’t sure that anyone had attempted that. He agreed that it was inappropriate to make decisions on my behalf without consulting me, and that I should be involved in deciding whether it should go ahead. He also apologised that no one had bothered to inform me of the decision.
He will let me know the outcome of the latest discussions next week when I present to the trainee FLOs. To say this process has left me exhausted is a massive understatement. I do, however, need to see it through to the end. I was powerless to save my boy’s life but I cannot allow him to have died in vain.
To return to the pertinent aims of the Police officer training,
It seems ironic that, in my case, they do not seem to have even been considered, let alone upheld.
As I write this, and re-read it, I am shocked and horrified by the level of incompetence - and the sheer number of errors and peices of misinformation.
Of course, this just relates to the police. I'm too exhausted to consider the CPS right now so I'll leave that for another day.
- protect the public from violence
- provide a reassuring presence in the community
- support victims of crime and offer help to those who have witnessed crimes
- investigate complex crimes using a mixture of cutting-edge technology and time-proven traditional methods
According to my experience, the second and third bullet points are debatable to say the least. The night that Al died, I should have received a visit from a Police Officer who would break the news to me and take me to the hospital to identify him (should that be possible).
What actually happened was that an Acting Police Sergeant called my mobile to inform me that my son had been involved in serious RTA and said I should make my own way to the hospital. In my shock and horror (I knew SERIOUS RTA did not mean he had a broken arm but something far more terrible), I drove myself to the hospital - I guess it wasn't her problem if I was prosecuted for running someone over and hurting or killing them because I had just received distressing news and was in shock. After all, she couldn’t be held responsible for my actions could she!
Less than 15 minutes later, I was in the hospital A&E reception. After waiting for ages, and being told by hospital staff that they knew nothing, and wondering if I had been the victim of a sick hoax, I called the Police – only to be told that they could confirm that Al had been involved in a Serious RTA, but apart from where it had taken place, they could tell me no more.
I waited again and eventually, the Acting Police Sergeant arrived – at that point, my worst fears were realised and it was confirmed that he was dead.
We went into a relatives' room and, after breaking the news to my 13-year-old daughter, I asked the Police officer to arrange for my daughter and ex-husband to be informed as I thought it would be terrible news to hear via the phone. Unfortunately, the message took so long to be relayed to my ex-husband that word had spread around my family and one of my, incredibly stupid, relatives called him, got him out of bed, and broke the news to him in exactly the way I’d hoped to avoid. It was a brutal thing to do and resulted in him being hysterical and abusive - of course, I bore the brunt of it.
I begged and pleaded to see my son but I was repeatedly told that he was still lying on the road where he was run over. This was an outright lie! He was already in the hospital morgue when I arrived at the hospital. I have never received any satisfactory explanation for why this Police Sergeant lied so blatantly. However, I have been told that she was inexperienced - I think this was supposed to be the explanation. I question whether an inexperienced Police Officer should be a Sergeant (acting or otherwise).
I said that Al and I had discussed organ and tissue donation and that, if he really had died, (I was unable to accept that as reality at that point), he would want his body parts to be donated. The Police Officer said she’d pass that info on. I’m not sure whom she thought was the most appropriate person to tell, or if she even did so but eventually, the Family Liaison Officer (FLO) arrived and I then repeated my request. Astonishingly he told me that it would not be possible because Al hadn’t been placed on life support as he had been declared dead at the scene. This was, in fact, completely untrue. According to the information file he gave me (too late to make any difference), provided a blood sample is obtained within 12 hours of death, tissue donation is perfectly possible. That FLOs ignorance prevented someone being helped, denied Al his expressed wish, and robbed my son of being able to live on in some small way.
I pleaded again to be allowed to see him but this request was refused because, as I later discovered, the mortuary assistant was pregnant and it was late on a Saturday night so they didn’t want to have to call her out. However, the explanation provided at the time was that my son was, “in a bit of a mess" and, "I can't allow you to see him as he is - no Mother should have to see that” I begged and pleaded but he refused to change his mind. After more begging and pleading, considerable time, lots of reasons why it would take a long time to organise, and suggestions I come back the following day, he relented. He arranged that he and a nursing manager would, “go down and clean him up as best we can.” All I wanted was to be able to touch and hold my boy and to discover that it wasn’t really him because he was alive after all. But even if it were true, above all I needed to hold him.
The FLO returned and took me to the morgue. Just before we entered the room, he dropped the bombshell that I would not be allowed in a room with Al but would have to view him through a window. I asked why. He replied, “for forensic reasons.” As with most other things that occurred then, I have since discovered this was utter tosh. If he was so concerned about contaminating forensic evidence, why did he and another person, clean my son up? Surely, that was also contaminating evidence. Why did he think it was perfectly acceptable for him to paw my boy, and yet prevent me, his mother, from touching him?
Over the next few weeks, it became clear that he was not an easy man to contact. If he called me, it was always late at night just as he was leaving his shift and usually at the end of his working week so invariably, he would be unavailable for at least several days. Alternatively, he would be about to go on Annual Leave. The ‘Liaison’ part of his job title seemed to be sadly lacking.
One such occasion was when a bench was dedicated to my son. As was usual, I was unable to contact the FLO so I contacted his office to say that I now wanted contact details for Mr C - the man who had run my son over. These details had been offered to me previously but I hadn’t thought I’d need them at the time, and anyway, I'd been assured I could have them any time I liked. I explained that I would like to invite Mr C to the event and that I wanted to reassure him that there would be no animosity – as far as I was concerned, if I had accidentally killed someone, I would be full of remorse and it might be helpful to know that there was no hatred or resentment. I received a call back and someone explained that Mr Cs landline was now unobtainable and he wasn’t answering his mobile. However, I was told that the Police would write to Mr C to pass on my invitation.
After the bench was dedicated to Al, I asked the FLO why Mr C had not come. I had assumed he had found it too difficult. However, I was then told that the investigating officer had decided that it might prejudice the case against Mr C and so he had ensured he was not informed – and neither was I until after the event. So why was I assured that my request would be actioned? I had been entitled to his contact details, and therefore would have been able to offer a personal invitation if I'd been given them. Therefore I was, extremely effectively, prevented from doing so by the Police. Where was their integrity? I was, dishonestly, assured that my wishes would be carried out.
As the case progressed (actually, I should say, as the case appeared not to progress), I became increasingly frustrated at the lack of information and the changing dates so I called the police to raise some concerns. I was careful to avoid use of the word, ‘complaint’ as I wanted to avoid alienating my FLO. I was then visited by the Senior Investigating officer.
He seemed surprised by my stance that I tried to empathise with Mr C so I explained that I saw no useful purpose for anger and bitterness as the only people that could damage would be my girls and me and, as they’d already lost their brother, it seemed sensible to avoid inflicting any extra heartache and pain. He then said that Mr C seemed to have no remorse!
I said that I wanted Restorative Justice to take place. He was dismissive and said that was unlikely to happen.
He also gave me a graphic account of my son’s death. Until that moment, I’d had no idea the car had driven over his head. Once I’d been given that image, it couldn’t be erased. It pops into my mind without warning and hits me with equal ferocity every time. I can only assume, from his actions, that he wanted me to be angry with Mr C. He succeeded. It took considerable time and effort to return to my previous way of thinking. I still fail to understand why, given that I had detailed my reasoning for not allowing that anger to fester, he proceeded as he did.
I was given different timescales for when court hearings would happen. Each time I would prepare myself for a hearing on a certain date only to be told it wouldn’t take place then after all. The FLO explained that the delays had occurred because of Annual Leave that overlapped for three different Police officers.
Shortly before the trial was due to commence, the FLO contacted me to ask what kind of charge I wanted. I thought it was an odd question as I’d been under the impression that I had no control over that decision because it was taken by the CPS. I queried this and he said “Yes but we wouldn’t want to ride roughshod over your views.” I checked with my daughters and ex-husband and they all said that they wanted the original charge of “Causing Death by Dangerous Driving” to stand.
However, just four days before the trial was due to commence on a Monday, the FLO called to tell me that charge had been reduced to one of “Causing Death by Careless Driving.” Go figure!
When I challenged the CPS at a later date, I was told that the FLO should not have placed that burden of choice upon me because it was never my choice to make. I still have no idea why he did this.
My FLO was away on holiday during the trial but he told me that the investigating officer would be present in court. I saw a uniformed Police Officer but neither he, nor anyone from the Police Service spoke with me. I mentioned this when my FLO made his final visit to me after his holiday and was told, “Yes he’s always been a bit odd," as if this somehow made it acceptable.
At that same meeting, I was told that the CPS had asked whether I might be interested in Restorative Justice. He actually laughed when he said it and added, “Don’t shoot the messenger.” He seemed surprised when I said that of course I wanted Restorative Justice and reminded him that I had specifically requested this in my Victim impact Statement. He said his Sergeant had just gone on holiday and so I’d need to bear with him for a couple of weeks. That conversation took place in August – it’s now December and he has yet to contact me.
When Al died, the FLO mentioned that he had been contacted by a nurse who wanted to know if she could help. I remember being astonished and wondering what on earth a nurse could do with a dead child – it seemed a little late for a nurse at this point. He agreed and said he’d tell her everything was ‘in hand’. Quite by chance, a year later, I discovered this nurse’s job title and role – Child Bereavement Support Nurse. Her role was to support me and to signpost me to where I could get support from. She had been in post when Al died and part of her role would have been, (should anyone have bothered to contact her), to deal with the organ and tissue donation. But no one did and my boy’s tissue was wasted. She came to see me and we spent a couple of hours going through the various ways in which I had been let down. She was horrified and offered to visit again but this time, with the person who was responsible for training FLOs.
When they arrived, I went through everything again. The FLO trainer was also horrified and told me that no one should have been treated so disrespectfully. She asked what would help and I explained that knowing that something good could come out of my boy’s death would be useful for me. I said that it would be helpful to know that those mistakes would not be made again.
We agreed that I would present at the next FLO training day and give my account of the ways in which I had been let down in order to show trainee FLOs just how it affects a victim’s family. I stressed that practising FLOs should also be updated and she told me that a training day was also planned for them. We later agreed that I would present on an update training day for FLOs. The date was agreed and she was to let me know the venue and time when she had them. However, as the date approached, I heard nothing. I was unable to contact her the week before and struggled to speak with her even on the day. After some phoning round to the Child Bereavement Support Nurse, I was finally told that she had not organised that training day and had forgot to inform me that my presence was no longer required. So much for being horrified at the disrespectful way in which I had been treated so far! She did, however, offer me the opportunity to come along and listen to the other speakers who were telling their stories. I was appalled. For me, the point was to have something good come out of Al’s death – not to listen to others who had been given the opportunity I had been offered, only to have it withdrawn.
Somehow, I managed to remain calm and speak rationally and I was eventually offered the chance to speak to trainee FLOs a few weeks hence. I do wonder, whether I am just being patronised in order to shut me up or whether I am being taken seriously. It seems odd to talk of me being treated disrespectfully and then to forget to treat me with respect.
However, on 21 November I met some Police officers at the Preston RoadPeace Remembrance Service. Unfortunately for them, one happened to say that their FLOs were very good. I’m afraid 18 months of pent up frustration and anger got the better of me and I told them exactly what I thought of their FLO service. I was later assured by one of them that I came across as forthright and articulate but not aggressive. Considering I can still recall the way my heart was pounding, and the way I had to keep checking myself so I wouldn’t shout, I thought that was amazing.
Earlier this week, I took a call from someone in the Police Force. He apologised for the way I had been treated (am sensing a pattern here) and we went through the various strands of my concerns. The most pressing one for me is, despite it being offered, the apparent lack of Restorative Justice. He later called me back to let me know that it had been decided that it would not take place as Mr C seemed unable to grasp the concept of Restorative Justice, and had indicated that his participation would be only to tell me how it had affected him and his life. There was no indication whether anyone had attempted to correct his misconception but it had been decided that I must be protected. I explained that I am aware of Mr Cs limited capacity for understanding and that I work with adolescents who sometimes need to be lead through a Restorative Justice process and educated about the way in which it works. He said he wasn’t sure that anyone had attempted that. He agreed that it was inappropriate to make decisions on my behalf without consulting me, and that I should be involved in deciding whether it should go ahead. He also apologised that no one had bothered to inform me of the decision.
He will let me know the outcome of the latest discussions next week when I present to the trainee FLOs. To say this process has left me exhausted is a massive understatement. I do, however, need to see it through to the end. I was powerless to save my boy’s life but I cannot allow him to have died in vain.
To return to the pertinent aims of the Police officer training,
“• provide a reassuring presence in the community
• support victims of crime and offer help to those who have
witnessed crimes”,
It seems ironic that, in my case, they do not seem to have even been considered, let alone upheld.
As I write this, and re-read it, I am shocked and horrified by the level of incompetence - and the sheer number of errors and peices of misinformation.
Of course, this just relates to the police. I'm too exhausted to consider the CPS right now so I'll leave that for another day.
Hi Beverley,
ReplyDeleteWell Done to you!-
for carrying on and trying to get things improved for others
personally, I'd take issue with the last bullet point!
We've had armed police at our door demanding to be let in and demanding to know where hubby was-
'at work' wasn't something they seemed to understand -
AND they insisted I had called them screaming for help from my home landline.
When I asked which number rang them they gave me one which wasn't mine!
so 'cutting edge technology'???
not in my experience!
Lovely to hear from you :-) I hear more and more about how the Police treat people badly. I guess because I was raised to believe that they were beyond reproach, and I raised my children to treat them with respect, it never occurred to me that there might be some rotten apples. Each time I meet one, I'm shocked. You'd think I'd have learnt by now.
ReplyDelete