Text as a form of communication

Apart from here, with a counsellor (recently started and roughly weekly), and with my Clinical Supervisor (monthly), I rarely have the opportunity to talk about the trials, tribulations and knock-on effects of losing Al.

I’ve had to cope with mistakes made by the Coroner, the CPS, the hospital and the Police. Some have held their hands up and admitted those mistakes. Others have hedged and tried to avoid admitting any culpability, presumably because they are nervous of litigation. This is so wrong. I don’t want their money. All I want is to know that others won’t be treated in the same way. The errors and deliberate cover-ups have dragged on for months. It’s been almost 18 months since Al died and only just before Christmas, the Police dropped the bombshell that there would be no Restorative Justice and that this was non-negotiable. Of course, the officer stressed that it wasn’t their fault – he blamed the Probation Service.

I’ve slowly reduced the number of people I’ve told about these setbacks. This is mainly because I rarely, if ever, get a response. After the trial where the taxi driver was given a tiny slap on the wrist for killing my son, I texted around 20 people. Few replied. In fact just four texted back that they were so sorry to hear the verdict – that was all that was really needed – just an acknowledgement. One asked me how I was – that was nice. Another engaged in a short dialogue, checking out how I was, and whether any other steps could be taken. In other words, she took an interest. I was met with a wall of silence from the rest. This included some of the colleagues (all qualified counsellors) I had included on my list of people to text. It’s been tough knowing that people, who are trained in using empathy every single day, couldn’t find it in their hearts to even bother to reply. It's been disappointing to say the least.

That said, just how do I repair the damage to a previously good working relationship? This is with someone - a qualified, experienced counsellor - who explained his failure to reply to the texts as, “It was just content. It wasn’t important. I just read it as you were deeply, deeply in pain.” And yet, even though he saw someone suffering, he chose not to respond.

Is it that text is such a different mode of communication? If I had bumped into someone I knew well (i.e. they knew the history) and told them that the man who had run over and killed my son had just walked free from court with no more than a slap on the wrist, or that I had been denied Restorative Justice, would they really just walk on without even acknowledging that I’d spoken? Yet this was the equivalent and it was seen as perfectly acceptable.

I feel that I am floating in a surreal existence - the rules have changed. They are unwritten but everyone else seems to know them and are surprised that I don't. 

Actually, to be honest, it just feels like an excuse to me.