Presents

A few weeks ago, I was telling someone that I hadn't yet been able to bring myself to buy the plaque for Al’s grave. This is because it's the last thing I can think of to do for him and I'm frightened that once I have nothing left to do for him, I will somehow become less of a mother to him. But I also feel guilty because his grave remains unmarked. I wonder if it gives the impression that he isn’t sufficiently cared about to make the effort – not because I’m bothered about being judged but because it might distress those who see it.

I didn’t say any of this to the friend. I just said that I found it difficult to put a plaque on his grave and was feeling guilty because of that. Her response was that I should buy the plaque as my Christmas present to him. She said that I should buy him a present as his sisters were getting theirs and he shouldn’t be left out because he deserved one just as much as they did. I know she meant well but it just seemed plain wrong. It’s not about whether he deserved it. It just seems so pointless. He’s dead so the present wouldn’t be for him. It would be for the few, if any, who visit his grave.

And how might that conversation go . . .

"Here son, I've bought a plaque for your grave."

"Jeez Mum - just what I always wanted for Christmas - not!"

Let's be honest, what kind of a mother buys her son a plaque, and nothing else, for Christmas?

It’s just so wrong.