Afterwards, I began again and recounted the whole incident. At the end she didn’t say, “Blimey that must have been painful to hear.” Or, “What a shame she wasn’t able to consider what she said.” Instead, she said, “It sounds as if she was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say.” Why is it that people think they need to explain away someone’s crass insensitivity – as if crass insensitivity is acceptable. Why did that woman require MY sensitivity and understanding for HER lack of it? I know she was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say. But when in doubt, say nothing. And if you do find yourself saying such a stupid thing, surely the correct thing to do would be to apologise. Why did my friend think it’s less unacceptable for me, when I am grieving, to be more understanding? I’m fed up of being expected to be the bigger person when I feel so diminished.