The tantalising proof that belief in God makes you happier and healthier

I met a friend for coffee last week. Her husband died suddenly and unexpectedly just three months ago. One of the things she said was that she tells people, “I know I look OK but I’m not.” She’s had a monumental amount of support. A friend or relative has spent the night in her house almost every night since her loss. She didn’t even buy any food for weeks as her fridge always seemed to be refilled by visitors. She always has company when she wants it and she feels no pressure to return to work.

She also has her faith. It runs through her like the threads in a piece of fabric. To lose her faith would result in the fabric being frayed and full of glaring holes. Her faith gives her a glow and it shines out of her even in her dark moments. Her friends are her church. They support and love her. And she knows that she is loved.

In contrast, I was dropped like a hot potato almost as soon as Al’s funeral was over. My sister, who had insisted she stay with me, left a few days before his funeral. After that, apart from a weekly visit from my sister-in-law, (and they’ve now dwindled to almost nothing) I was on my own.

I feel unable to talk about things at work because a colleague has made it so difficult to do so - just last week, I started to mention that I’d been a guest speaker on a Police training day, and before I could get any further, he interrupted to change the subject. Of course, I wasn’t about to launch into an in-depth analysis of my son’s death – I was about to make a jokey aside that it served me right if I’d gained a bit of weight because I’d felt slightly stressed and so had troughed a couple of chocolate brownies on my way to the venue. This was more a laugh at my pathetic excuses for poor eating patterns but I was prevented from continuing because the Police training day was connected to Al’s death and my colleague just does not want to hear about it at all. And will, quite rudely, shut me up if he thinks I might refer to it in any way– regardless of how tenuous the link is.

It hasn’t helped to know that I often said that I was struggling to cope but, unlike my friend, my comments have fallen on deaf ears. The only time I mention that now is with my counsellor or here.

It’s not that I begrudge my friend her support – I don’t. I just wish that I had a little of the same. Just that fact that someone might call to ask, “How are you coping?” would be enough.

I recently read a newspaper article - OK it was in the Daily Mail [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1358421/The-tantalising-proof-belief-God-makes-happier-healthier.html] but it made me think anyway. Anyway, one part leapt out at me.

“They discovered that many of the health benefits of religion materialise only if you go to church regularly and have good friends there. In other words, it’s the ‘organised’ part of organised religion that does a lot of the good stuff. “

That didn’t feel like news to me. It’s a thought I’ve had several times over the years. But each time it appears in my mind, it feels very true. As if I’m missing out on something and if I could just find a way to accept this thing I ‘know’ to be untrue, I would find my Utopia. Maybe for me, that’s where this resurgent interest in Theology stems from.

However, if I’m honest, I’ve still no intention of dragging myself out of bed at the crack of dawn on a Sunday to spend time with people with whom I don't know how to share fundamental beliefs just so that they will be my friend. I guess my own laziness will be my downfall.